Finding My Way Back Home #3
I find this hard to talk about because it is so commonly associated with active and veteran military (who I love and adore). But it is not something that is strictly for war type traumas. I didn't ever really think about it outside of these confines either, but I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. That is right I said Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I hope that anyone who reads this is not offended or thinks that I am doing this for attention. I also hope that by speaking out I can help others and spread the word about it.
My PTSD stems from a lack of security in my husbands employment and stability in our lives. Over the last year Drew (my husband) has been unemployed more than employed. This puts a huge strain on our financial lives and an even bigger strain on our marriage from the stress. With this loss of employment there has also been a lot of moving around. Last year in October we moved to the Huston, Texas area for a job that after only about one and a half months ended badly and very unfairly toward my husband. I was so stressed out! Not only had we just moved there and were just starting to settle in but I was pregnant with M. Drew was thankfully put on administrative leave for a while before they officially let him go so we were able to stay until after I had M. After M arrived in a very traumatic emergency c-section Drew was offered a job here in Utah at the University of Utah, business school. So we packed up and Drew left his part time job at Walgreens and we move with a toddler and a new baby back to Utah. We moved into my parents rental house that my brother and sister in law had been living in. We could only stay there the summer as we got settled and found a place of our own. Unfortunately Drew was let go from his job at the U of U because he did not fit into the office dynamic they wanted. I remember being so upset that I could not even show emotion and felt completely numb. It was horrible and after the numbness and shock wore off I was mad and not just mad but furious. I wasn't even mad at Drew or anything in particular just mad that it seemed like we were never going to catch a break. When Drew lost his job at the U of U I was able to find work as an Athletic Trainer at a large high school in the area but I have since left that job due to a bad work environment (post about that later). When the summer ended we had to move into my in laws home and thankfully they were able to allow this because they were working on their vacation home and had decided to move there for the time being. Just dealing with all of this put more and more stress on me and on our marriage.
When we started to attend marriage counseling recently, our therapist wanted to find a root for all the issues I was seeing that made me think that we needed to see him. After a few visits he made the determination that a lot of my walls and guards I had built up were due to the stress and strain of the last few years. As odd as it was when he said "Jenna you have PTSD", it was also a relief to know that I was not just crazy and that I could work through with time and help all the issues that have been holding me back from living a full and happy life.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not something to be taken lightly. It can create real and lasting problems for those effected and those that love and care about them. Please if you know someone who is suffering or who you think might be suffering in silence. Be a support to them and try to understand that though you may not know how they are feeling a bit of love goes a long way. Also for those who do have war or physical/mental abuse type traumas please be respectful of what they need and try your best not to make the situation worse (such as no loud fireworks if you have a war vet as a next door neighbor or not making sexual jokes to or around a victim of sexual assault).
Suffering and Praying,
Jenna
My PTSD stems from a lack of security in my husbands employment and stability in our lives. Over the last year Drew (my husband) has been unemployed more than employed. This puts a huge strain on our financial lives and an even bigger strain on our marriage from the stress. With this loss of employment there has also been a lot of moving around. Last year in October we moved to the Huston, Texas area for a job that after only about one and a half months ended badly and very unfairly toward my husband. I was so stressed out! Not only had we just moved there and were just starting to settle in but I was pregnant with M. Drew was thankfully put on administrative leave for a while before they officially let him go so we were able to stay until after I had M. After M arrived in a very traumatic emergency c-section Drew was offered a job here in Utah at the University of Utah, business school. So we packed up and Drew left his part time job at Walgreens and we move with a toddler and a new baby back to Utah. We moved into my parents rental house that my brother and sister in law had been living in. We could only stay there the summer as we got settled and found a place of our own. Unfortunately Drew was let go from his job at the U of U because he did not fit into the office dynamic they wanted. I remember being so upset that I could not even show emotion and felt completely numb. It was horrible and after the numbness and shock wore off I was mad and not just mad but furious. I wasn't even mad at Drew or anything in particular just mad that it seemed like we were never going to catch a break. When Drew lost his job at the U of U I was able to find work as an Athletic Trainer at a large high school in the area but I have since left that job due to a bad work environment (post about that later). When the summer ended we had to move into my in laws home and thankfully they were able to allow this because they were working on their vacation home and had decided to move there for the time being. Just dealing with all of this put more and more stress on me and on our marriage.
When we started to attend marriage counseling recently, our therapist wanted to find a root for all the issues I was seeing that made me think that we needed to see him. After a few visits he made the determination that a lot of my walls and guards I had built up were due to the stress and strain of the last few years. As odd as it was when he said "Jenna you have PTSD", it was also a relief to know that I was not just crazy and that I could work through with time and help all the issues that have been holding me back from living a full and happy life.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not something to be taken lightly. It can create real and lasting problems for those effected and those that love and care about them. Please if you know someone who is suffering or who you think might be suffering in silence. Be a support to them and try to understand that though you may not know how they are feeling a bit of love goes a long way. Also for those who do have war or physical/mental abuse type traumas please be respectful of what they need and try your best not to make the situation worse (such as no loud fireworks if you have a war vet as a next door neighbor or not making sexual jokes to or around a victim of sexual assault).
Suffering and Praying,
Jenna
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