Finding My Way Back Home #4

Finding My Way Back Home #4

I might be crying behind my computer screen right now... This one is hard because it was so recent and breaks my heart. Just before Christmas after a lot of thought and prayer decided it was time for me to leave my job at the high school where I was the assistant athletic trainer. I know like this might seem like a lame post so sorry in advance but I feel that I need to write about it.
I started out loving my job because it was what I had studied years to do and what I felt I was meant to do. But slowly it became more of a burden than a joy. I started stressing out about just going into work. The one thing that kept me coming back was the athletes ("my kids") who I loved and cared for. I knew that they needed me and that most of them wanted me there, but most days that still did not feel like enough to keep going back for.
After a very rough night at work where I made some mistakes (yes I am admitting that I am not perfect) and where things were said and done that were not so nice, I came home feeling terrible. I spoke with Drew (my husband), my mother and best friend and began to work things out in my mind. But I was still missing a conversation with the person who will love me no matter what, my Father in Heaven. That night I spent a lot of time praying and reading scriptures searching for advise or even better an answer to what I should do. The song "Count Your Blessings" came to mind. In the first verse it says " Count your any blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done." I found this very comforting and began to mentally count my blessings. I realized that by remaining in the stressful and unhealthy environment I was not taking full advantage of some of my many blessings. At that moment I knew that it would be hard but that I had to leave the job behind and find that which the Lord is still trying to bless me with.
To all of "my kids" if you are reading this know that I love you and still support you in all you do. Please know that you are not the reason I left but the reason I stayed as long as I did.

Blessed and Relieved,
Jenna

Finding My Way Back Home #3

Finding My Way Back Home #3

I find this hard to talk about because it is so commonly associated with active and veteran military (who I love and adore). But it is not something that is strictly for war type traumas. I didn't ever really think about it outside of these confines either, but I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. That is right I said Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I hope that anyone who reads this is not offended or thinks that I am doing this for attention. I also hope that by speaking out I can help others and spread the word about it.

My PTSD stems from a lack of security in my husbands employment and stability in our lives. Over the last year Drew (my husband) has been unemployed more than employed. This puts a huge strain on our financial lives and an even bigger strain on our marriage from the stress. With this loss of employment there has also been a lot of moving around. Last year in October we moved to the Huston, Texas area for a job that after only about one and a half months ended badly and very unfairly toward my husband. I was so stressed out! Not only had we just moved there and were just starting to settle in but I was pregnant with M. Drew was thankfully put on administrative leave for a while before they officially let him go so we were able to stay until after I had M. After M arrived in a very traumatic emergency c-section Drew was offered a job here in Utah at the University of Utah, business school. So we packed up and Drew left his part time job at Walgreens and we move with a toddler and a new baby back to Utah. We moved into my parents rental house that my brother and sister in law had been living in. We could only stay there the summer as we got settled and found a place of our own. Unfortunately Drew was let go from his job at the U of U  because he did not fit into the office dynamic they wanted. I remember being so upset that I could not even show emotion and felt completely numb. It was horrible and after the numbness and shock wore off I was mad and not just mad but furious. I wasn't even mad at Drew or anything in particular just mad that it seemed like we were never going to catch a break. When Drew lost his job at the U of U I was able to find work as an Athletic Trainer at a large high school in the area but I have since left that job due to a bad work environment (post about that later). When the summer ended we had to move into my in laws home and thankfully they were able to allow this because they were working on their vacation home and had decided to move there for the time being. Just dealing with all of this put more and more stress on me and on our marriage.
When we started to attend marriage counseling recently, our therapist wanted to find a root for all the issues I was seeing that made me think that we needed to see him. After a few visits he made the determination that a lot of my walls and guards I had built up were due to the stress and strain of the last few years. As odd as it was when he said "Jenna you have PTSD", it was also a relief to know that I was not just crazy and that I could work through with time and help all the issues that have been holding me back from living a full and happy life.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not something to be taken lightly. It can create real and lasting problems for those effected and those that love and care about them. Please if you know someone who is suffering or who you think might be suffering in silence. Be a support to them and try to understand that though you may not know how they are feeling a bit of love goes a long way. Also for those who do have war or physical/mental abuse type traumas please be respectful of what they need and try your best not to make the situation worse (such as no loud fireworks if you have a war vet as a next door neighbor or not making sexual jokes to or around a victim of sexual assault).

Suffering and Praying,
Jenna

Finding My Way Back Home #2

Upon request from my wonderful readers and at the encouragement of my beautiful friend Jossie. I am going to make a series of Finding My Way Back Home posts.

Finding My Way Back Home #2

After starting my journal and diving into the scriptures, I found that my Lord and Savior was just waiting to open my mind and heart to Him and His words. He wanted to guide me and my life with His words but I had told Him "I do not need help" by my thoughts, feelings and actions. I again want to tell my friend thank you so much for giving a much needed reality check!
Today I want to address an issue that I have found it at the root of most of my personal problems. DEPRESSION. 
To a lot of people it is somewhat taboo and they might think that you can just shake off the sadness or low feelings. I was diagnosed with clinical chemical depression when I was a freshman in college. I thought oh its not real, its just the stress of starting college and moving away from home. The first time I realized that I really did suffer with depression and not just stress/sadness, was when I took myself off of the medicine I had been prescribed. Within a few days I was in the depths of despair and did not see any reason to get up in the mornings or care about what I did. After a terrible relationship and breaking up with my first college boyfriend, I was a wreck! I contemplated suicide and even planned an attempt. Thankfully I have a wonderful, beautiful and inspired mother. My mother also suffers from depression similar to mine. When she noticed that I was not my normal happy self that I had been just a few short months before, she took action. She might not have even know that she was helping but she always had just the right thing to say or do. Eventually she asked me "Jenna are you still taking your medication like you should?" At first I wanted nothing more than to lie to her and say yes because I did not want her or anyone else to know that I was not strong enough to do life on my own. Thankfully The Lord had other plans. I could not lie to her, because deep down I knew that I was not even close to okay. Mom got me another appointment with the doctor and we tried a few different anti-depressants before we found one that worked and continues to work to this day almost 8 years later. 
I look back at that experience often and with great appreciation for those who loved me and helped me. But I was not always strong, because about 6 months into my marriage I took myself off the medicine again because I thought that I could do it now. Especially with Drew's help! I was in for a shock that almost broke my very new marriage. I demanded that we move out of the apartment that we were renting from my in laws because I had delusions that the hated me. (They don't hate me.) I started to threaten to leave Drew because he "just didn't understand" what I needed. I wanted to run my car off the road when having really bad mornings because, who would miss me? I thought everyone else would be better off without me and if I wasn't around anymore. Thankful again for my mother and loving husband. Drew took me to my parents one night when I was having a total break down. Mom told me that either I take my medicine and apologize to Drew or she was going to check me into the phsyc ward by force. After a long heartfelt conversation between my mom and I, I decided to take my medicine for 3 months and if it did not help I would go back to a doctor. I am so grateful every day for that because now I have my family. I have two beautiful children and a good life filled with people who love and care about me and most of all the NEED me.
I hope one day to be able to help someone like my mom and husband helped me in my "dark and twisty" times. (yes I am a "Greys Anatom"y nerd) I hope that by reading this someone somewhere may be helped or look to others and reach out for help. If you know someone who is showing signs of depression and they come to you I hope that you will think about how to help and not just tell them to get over it like many people I knew told me when it all started for me. 

Faith and Love,
Jenna

Mama Shaws Gingerbread Boys & Girls

Gingerbread Boys & Girls

-Mama Shaw

Ingredients Needed:

Molasses     Cinnamon 

Shortening    Ginger

Sugar    Salt  

Egg     Flour

Vanilla   Baking Soda

Simmer for 15 minutes:

 -1 cup shortening

-1 cup molasses

Cream together:

 -1 egg

-1 cup sugar

-1 tsp vanilla

Dissolve 2 tsp backing soda in 1/2 cup hot water. Add hot water and soda to egg and sugar mixture.

Sift:

-6 cups flour 

-1 tsp ginger

-1 tsp cinnamon 

-1 tsp salt

-1/2 tsp cloves 

Pat on a piece of wax paper. Then cut with a cookie cutter. Bake for 10 minutes @375 degrees. Cooking time may vary depending on altitude and humidity levels. Just keep an eye on them!

Decorate and Enjoy

*Mama likes to dip the fronts in melted white chocolate chips and let the grand babies decorate with colored gel.

Disclaimer: Also I digitally decorated the cookies above because the kids ate their decorated ones before I could wash my hands and take a picture.

Christmas Traditions

Christmas Traditions We Love

- Spending time with Family!

- Chocolate Advent Calendars 

- Christmas Book Advent (wrap them and the kids can open one a day)

- Making homemade candies

- Building Gingerbread Structures

- Having Gaming Tournaments with loved ones

- Christmas Eve Gift (a set of p.j.s, a movie, popcorn and candy to have a party with before bed)

- The Elf Visit (Clean room, good helper and obedient children get a treat from the elf in their shoes, left outside their bedroom door at night - the two weeks before Christmas) 

- Going to the movies on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day

- P.J. Christmas light drive (everyone in their p.j.s and drive around your neighborhood or town and see all the pretty lights)
- Reading the Birth of CHRIST story from Luke 2
- Making and reading a family Christmas book (I will get a tutorial up when I get the chance - my mother made one when we were kids and made one for each of my siblings) 

I hope you find these as fun and inspiring as we do!
If you have any that you would like to share please feel free to add them in the comments below! 

Building a Gingerbread House & Train Tips

 
Making a gingerbread anything is not the easiest task in the world, but doing it with a three year old is a new experience all its own! Here are some tips and pictures from my first experience building gingerbread structures with little ones. Just a heads up we used sets from the store because I am not a good enough cook!... Maybe next year.

Tips:

- Try to put most of the pieces together before you let the little ones in on it.(ours kept falling down when E tried to help and it wasn't done drying yet) Or get an already constructed one!(yes they make those now!)

- If you really want one that looks good for others to see you probably want to get more than one. 

- I got some extra colored gel which E loved and we used on the train. It helped add color without having to stick more stuff on it. (our kit came with some but we needed extra)

- Powdered Sugar works amazing as a light sugar dusting through a sifter. (I didn't use it this year because I didn't want E to get it all over, but I have used it in the past.)

- I like to put mine on a piece of cardboard covered in tinfoil.(It looks nice!)

- Be prepared to have kiddos on a sugar high!

- If you do not plan on eating the cookies you can also use glue instead of icing. It tends to dry faster and hold stronger.

- Allow the kids to have fun! Even if it looks crazy and all the decorations are on one side of the structure it will still be amazing!

Pictures:

My mom and E decorating the ginger-trees

The Beautiful Trees E and Grandma made!

 

Our ginger-train coming together

Finally a finished Train!

Disclaimer: Tips are not guaranteed as this is just from my personal experience. I did use store bought kits as I am not a good cook.

Muddy Buddies

Muddy Buddies

Ingredients: 

- 9 Cups "Rice Chex"

- 1Cup Semisweet Chocolate Chips

- 1/2 Cup Peanut Butter

- 1/4 Cup Butter

- 1 tsp. Vanilla

- 1.5 Cups Powdered Sugar

 The Cutest Tiny Helper M!

 

 

 Mix the Chocolate Chips, Butter & Peanut Butter in a microwave safe bowl. Microwave. Stir every 30 seconds until smooth. Add Vanilla and Mix in with the Chex. Shake and ENJOY!!!

Christmas Tips - 2016

My 2016 Christmas Tips

Christmas can be a very stressful time of year no matter your situation. If it is family, travel, money or just plain old stress it can be hard and make such an amazing time of year feel less amazing.

Shopping:

- Stick to a budget. I know it is hard but it is a stress relief for me to know that I am not going to break the bank with gifts. I plan out how much each person in the family gets to have spent on them. 

- Plan ahead what you want to get. I try to plan in advance (about 4 months) what to get my kids so that I can look for it on sale or second hand. This year it paid off a lot! I was able to find a Bitty Baby Doll for E with a bunch of accessories for $40! It definitely saved my budget and I was able to make her a few things to go with the doll. (tutorials to come)

- Look for things second hand. It is great to be able to give things a second life. I have gotten a lot of my kids books from places like the Goodwill. I take my time and find well taken care of books/toy/clothes and with a bit of cleaning they are good as new. I also found the doll on a local classified Facebook page.

Gift Wrapping:

- I like to keep a roll of wrapping paper that is "Santa Wrap." It is one the kiddos don't get to see and is not in my normal stash for them to pick from when wrapping Mommy and Daddy gifts. 

Christmas Tree:

- Kiddie Christmas Tree. I love my Christmas Tree it is beautiful and makes me smile, but good heavens the kids love to mess with it. That is why I made a felt Christmas Tree and felt ornaments for the kids to play with and keep them off my beautiful tree. (I will write a tutorial for this later)

- Kid Friendly Ornaments. As much as I love my beautiful glass and fragile ornaments little hands tend to break them. When E was born I got a set of very nice looking plastic ones from the Dollar Store. Yes that is right the Dollar Store and that way I am okay if one or two break a year. This year with little M I am glad I have them because he loves loves loves the tree.

Family Time:

- I love my extended family but sometimes it can be very stressful. Try to be sure you make time for just you, your partner and your kiddos. I like to do this on Christmas morning before church, with a yummy breakfast and Santa presents. Also make sure that you can divide your time with extended family so that no one feels left out. (it has been a problem for me in the past) The hardest part is saying no and standing up for time alone with your family. Make sure to stand your ground.

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year,

Jenna 

Finding My Way Back Home

Recently I had felt like my life was careening out of control. I felt like my marriage was falling apart and the distance was growing. I knew something had to give, but did I know what that something was? No. 

I have always prided myself on being a good Christian Woman who love The Lord. I went to church every week and preform my callings and duties to the best of my ability. I prayed nightly as a family, a couple and my individual prayers. I could not see that not only was I letting my relationship with my husband slip and fall apart. But I was also neglecting my relationship with my Father in Heaven and The Savior. It took my life long friend asking me the hard questions and pointing out my lack, that made me see.

She told me some things that really impacted me that day. First she said if you neglect The Lord how can you expect him to give you all the blessings that he is just waiting to give you? How can you expect him to hold up his end of a covenant if you cant be bothered to hold up or even try your best to hold up your end? Then she said that not every marriage is perfect and that if I could get myself right with The Lord and ask for forgiveness of the neglect I had been showing and make a true change in my life, that then The Lord would help me to heal my life and marriage by re-centering to Him again.

I am so blessed to have her in my life because I don't know many if any people who would have laid down those kinds of truths for me. It isn't that I didn't already know these things but I had forgotten and gotten caught up in the things and problems of the world. That same day I decided that I needed to start keeping a journal and not just any write down your day journal but a scripture and prayers journal. Not to say that I don't talk about my day in my entry  but I always begin with a scripture/written prayer and end with the things and people I need to remember to pray for and the things that I am thankful for. I know that it has been an amazing tool for me and a blessing in my journey back to a happy and healthy relationship with My Father in Heaven and My Savior. 

I know that The Lord will provide a way in all things and in all trials that he gives to us, that we may return to Him and see his hand and blessing even in the darkest hours.

Praying and Trusting,

Jenna

Sleep Training Mayhem

Mayhem, Nightmare or Act or Terrorism. No matter what you like to think of it as Sleep Training is hard. With E, I was extremely blessed and she loved sleep from the day she was born. Literally she was three days old and it was our first night at home and she was sleeping through the night. I would even try to get her up and feed her as I had been told to do. She wanted nothing to do with waking up or eating in the middle of the night! I asked her doctor what I should do about it and she told me "Let the poor girl sleep. As long as she is eating enough ounces during the day and gaining weight she is fine. She probably trying to tell you that she needs her beauty sleep." I was relieved be cause that meant that I could sleep through the night and wake up a happier more alert mommy.

M on the other hand loved to snack in the middle of the night until he was almost 2 months old. It didn't help that because I had had a C-Section that I had him in our room for easier access. Then as he was getting older he began having breathing issues due to collapsed nasal passages. We then couldn't let him cry to long or he would plug up his nasal stints which would mean we had to take them out and clean them. Taking them out and putting them back in would wake him up without fail. Now he is 10 months old and we are having to teach him how to go to bed on his own. It is horrible!

Night 1: We decided to use the cry it out method because he was fighting most any other method we tried.He screamed bloody murder for over an hour and then whimpered himself to sleep. I felt so bad and it was so hard. I went in every 20 minutes just to calm him down a little and let him know that he wasn't being abandoned. I followed the general rules of not picking him up and not talking to him. I would go back and sit on my bed just about in tears as I listened to him scream.

Night 2: He only cried for about 20 minutes and didn't have any crazy screaming fits. I still was sitting there praying please baby boy just go to sleep. I promise it is good for you! I don't know how other parents do this it is so hard and i pride myself on being a "Mean Mom".

Night 3: We will see how it goes! Wish us luck that it gets better and he figures out that sleep is a good thing!

I will update you when we figure it out!

UPDATE 12/14/16: He has finally figured it out and only cries for a second if that. I think it is just his little way of saying please if you don't have to don't leave me. 

Naps on the other hand are still a work in progress. He hates to be left out of anything or feel like he is missing all the fun. Little Stinker bum!

Frustrated and Praying,
Jenna

Adventures in Potty Training

Okay, so my little girl E is almost 3 and with my baby boy M in diapers, I was so ready to be done with changing two sets of diapers all day long!

I started off reading everything I could find on potty training and how to potty train girls. I had asked almost every mom I know that has potty trained kids for advise. I was ready or at least I thought I was. 

So it began. I had a few extra days off for Thanksgiving Break and figured what the heck I will make it my mission to get E trained before Christmas! I decided that for the short amount of time I had that we were going to go cold turkey. (Yes I do realize the irony of going cold "turkey" on Thanksgiving Break)

Day 1:The first morning was by far the worst and a true test of my patients. I knew from all my research that it would be "hard" but my heavens was that an understatement! We had 4 accidents just in the first two hours and I almost gave up. I got my hubby on board with it and that yes we were actually going to do it over the break and stick with it. Between the two of us things finally started to click and E was going in the potty. We still had accidents when mommy and daddy forgot to ask her every ten minutes if she had to go but they became fewer and farther between. 

Day 2: "Alright we can do this" had become our motto for the day. We started the day with an accident but stayed dry for two whole hours after that! It was Thanksgiving Day and we were planning on going over to my mom and dads that afternoon for dinner and then to my grandmas house for games with the extended family. Boy was I nervous about taking her out of the house! We put a towel and and bag under her bum in the car seat and prayed that we could make the drives without an accident. I really shouldn't have been that worried, E was amazing and made all the drives dry and even started to ask to go potty! There was light at the end of the tunnel.

Day 3: E woke up asking to go potty and did it! She was really starting to be proud of herself every time she went in the potty. Hubby and I kept up with asking her every ten minutes and she stayed dry for hours and hours, almost the whole day.

Days 4-7: E was amazing and even got to the point on day seven that she took herself to the potty without having to be asked or helped! 

Yes accidents still happen and they are bound to for a while, but we are going to make it. Moms and Dads out there you can do it too. I know not every child is just like my E and that schedules can be hard to work around, but YOU CAN DO IT!!! Every parent needs to know and be told that they can and I am here as proof and to tell you that it can be done. 

Happy Potty Training,
Jenna

What is an Athletic Trainer

Okay so I get asked all the time "what do you do as an athletic trainer?" or worse people try to assume and are usually way off the mark. So here I will help you out :) No matter if you are an athlete or not, in high school or college, even if you are a working professional. Chances are that you have met an Athletic Trainer. Not all of us are decked out in sports gear all the time and some of us have even taken time off to become parents. The core of all Athletic Trainers however is the same, we are all part of a community. 

Athletic Trainer is defined by the National Athletic Trainers Association (NATA) as: A profession that encompasses the prevention, examination, diagnosis, treatment and rehabilitation of emergent, acute or chronic injuries and medical conditions.

Sounds pretty awesome right! The way I explain it to others when they ask is "You know those people who run out on the field when someone gets hurt and they treat them and help them. Yeah thats what I do!"

Now as for me, I am an Athletic Trainer at a large high school in Utah. I love the high school setting because I love the kids and watching them learn, grow and accomplish all that they can. I even like to joke that depending on the season I have 100 - 200+ kids. I talk about them and how proud I am as if they were my nieces and nephews and some times like they were my own kids. I also love it because my hours allow me to be at home with my 2 little ones most of the morning and into the early afternoon, getting home most days before they have dinner. I can even bring my kids to work when and if I have to. Most of my athletes ask me when I will bring them in next. I love my job! (Even when it is stressful and drives me crazy) 

Jenna

Colored Beans

Hey Y'all 

Okay so for my first Craft I am going to show you how I made these awesome Colored Beans for my kiddos to use as a sorting and mixing game!

I hope you enjoy this and your kiddos have fun learning colors and sorting!

Welcome To Southern Sweet Peas

Hello,

My name is Jenna Shaw and I am a southern born and raised, working, stay at home mom of two sweet children. I love being a homemaker and an Athletic Training. I hope that this will become a space where I can share my experiences and experiments with all of you. 

Welcome to Southern Sweet Peas

Jenna